Twilight for dummies

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A sudden obsession of vampires took over the world when a real life turned book series turned movie entered the lives of teenage girls (and some boys) everywhere. I succumbed to the reading of the books and managed to complete all four in under 7 minutes due partly to its child-like text and also due to my passion for EXTREME reading where you yell the book in your head at an escalated speed skipping most paragraphs and sometimes chapters. After finishing the books I decided to write a shortened version for those out there interested enough to want to know about the story but not interested enough to actually waste time reading the books. Here is twilight in less than 60 seconds.

Bella has the personality of a wet rag. She meets Edward who is shiny like a Christmas decoration and he decides not to kill her with his withering stares of death.

Bella occasionally looks like she is going to vomit. This could be either from fear or her horrible cooking.

Edward loves Bella. Bella loves Edward.

They go flying through trees like spider monkeys crossed with superman. Bad vampires die, good vampires live.

Wolves howl at moon.

Bella is now similar to a Christmas decoration like Edward.

Stephanie Meyers high fives her publishers for ripping off the entire world by selling cat vomit and disguising it as a book. 



Evidence A
People who watch/read twilight generally tend to be of the following mental capacity


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1 Response to "Twilight for dummies"

  1. brilliant blogger Says:
  2. amazing. i wish i thought of it.
    oh wait...i did

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